The title of this blog is something that I have had to emphasize so many times to Jason… I do not want this wedding to be all about me. I assume that my fiance’ thought I was being dramatical or even jaded when he would hear he vehemently express pre-engagement that I was not interested in a wedding. Only for him to find out that wasn’t the case at all. These feelings of not wanting a wedding were not ones seeded in being jaded at all. They were genuine. Why? Because I. Do. Not. Like. Attention.
Today I had to make a point to drag this point home. We are working on our wedding website and I commented on the fact that a majority of the photos on the site were of me, and he responded “cuz you're the star and you're beautiful!” which would make someone that WANTS to be the star elated. EYE on the other hand do not want this. Though I did swoon at my fiance’ calling me beautiful (that never gets old) that whole “star” portion of the statement had me with the -____- face.
I was very direct in telling him “I. DON'T. WANT. TO. BE. THE. STAR. I do not know how I can express this any clearer.” I don’t want the spectacle period. I want to turn up with my loved ones and marry the love of my life. The last thing I want is this whole grandiose event with ME as the focal point. I signed up to go through with this wedding thing under the stipulation that I wanted it to be about BOTH of us (if I had my way it would be lean more towards being about him). I don’t know if he understands my thought process, I think because he is an extrovert that enjoys the spotlight, he thinks that I’m being modest or coy and deep down I really want to be the focal point of the whole ordeal…. NOAP.
I truly hope that I was able to convey this in a way that he could receive. Weddings are so bride heavy… And let’s be honest, I am NOT a traditional bride. My fiance’ is the “bride,” he knows it and I know it. I just wish he would embrace it instead of trying to project his desires onto me. It actually would make me that much happier if HE got the shine, it is more in line with who he is. I want our wedding to reflect who we are as people and our relationship. Loads of pics of ME plastered all over the website is not an accurate reflection of how we function as a couple, it’s definitely not an accurate reflection of how I function period, and above all things I want things to be as genuine as possible. I mean he gave me the nickname Wilson from Home Improvement for a reason. I stay trying to be low key. He’s the shiner. It’s one of the many things that I love about him. I let him be him, he lets me be me. I wish he would embrace it. SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND. I’m finna just chill in the cut like the G that I am.